Donald, the Teenage Toddler

Here’s a little ditty to help cheer you through the holidays. You all know the melody.

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We’ve had Andrew and Millard and Chester and Theo
Richard and Gerald and Ronald and Geo
But will you recall
The worst President of them all?

Donald, the Teenage Toddler
Had some very tiny hands
And if you ever saw them
You would scoff at his demands

All of the Teenage Toddlers
Laughed at him and called him names
They never let poor Donald
Spout his many brainless claims

Then one rigged election day
Voters seemed to say
“Donald, though your hair’s a fright
Won’t you march us to the right?”

Now teenage toddlers love him
And they tweet it out with glee
“Donald, the Teenage Toddler,
You have set our hate so free.”

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They Shall Not Pass

Canada will not passively wait to be invaded by a horde of American refugees seeking to escape a Donald Trump Presidency.

After Google inquiries about moving from the United States to Canada spiked to nearly 1,500 percent above average at midnight on Super Tuesday, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau called for an immediate emergency joint address of Parliament.

The address ran a mere 15 minutes before all senators and members had reached unanimous agreement. Work would begin immediately on a colossal wall protecting Canada from illegal U.S. immigrants.

The wall will go up simultaneously along the nearly 4,000 miles of main Canadian-U.S. border and the more than 1,500 additional miles of border with Alaska. Plans call for the wall to be constructed entirely of solid Canadian ice and tower 700 feet above the rustic Canadian landscape.

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The new wall between Canada and the United States will look very Game of Thronesish

 

The wall will replace the half-dozen “Keep Out” signs the United States had strategically placed along the border, signs which had held law-abiding Canadian would-be emigrants at bay for more than two centuries. A Royal Canadian Mounted Police Nights Watch Division will be created to patrol the wall.

Trudeau said that the plan is not impossible, noting that the Great Wall of China stretches for nearly the same number of miles. That building  process took almost 300 years, but Trudeau set a 30-day deadline for completion of the Canada Wall.

“Summer is coming,” the Prime Minister warned.

Trudeau assured Canadians concerned about the cost of the project that Canada will not pay a dime.

“We did not create this problem,” he said. “We will make Trump pay for the wall.”